morbidrequiem (morbidrequiem) wrote,

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Cleaning out the Clutter...

Sometimes you have moments when…you really just need to be sad for a while. It’s not that you’re sad over any one thing or even that you depressed. You just…need to cry and clear out the emotional gunk mucking up the works. I’ve been kind of like that the last few days though no one would really know considering. Honestly…I’ve been denying myself the luxury of a good cry for a while. Again, it’s not like my life is overly bad. I mean yeah there are some bad spots but that’s normal yah know? I just know I need to cry and be sad for a little while and get it all out of my system. The problem is…I’m not sure how…

I’ve been on the verge a few times but nothing truly cleansing has occurred. I dunno I could just be acting like a total drama queen or a wimp but I feel like I really need to get some junk out of my heart.

I think I’ve been feeling a little lost for a while or something. Not really sure what to do with myself or my life or anything. The funny thing about that is my life is going pretty well. I am making progress with my GED studies, I just got a promotion at work, things with me and Danny have been fantastic, I am making new friends and broadening my social circles, things are even pretty good at home. But still it seems like I have a lot of baggage to shed so that I can truly and honestly move forward with my life and my evolution as a person and an adult. I just wish I knew what I need to do to clear out all the badness.

There’s a lot of anger that I think I need to get rid of as well. Little things seem to be able to set me off. Granted I do have Irish blood but I never used to be THIS angry. I mean I damn near took a woman’s head off today for something I should have just let go…but I didn’t. I yelled and said some horrid things then stormed off in a blaze of fury. That’s not me, I mean; sure, I get mad about stuff but never like this.

Something needs to change or be fixed or cleaned out if I am going to be able to function at least some what normally again. I hope I can figure out what or how I can fix this so I can at least enjoy all of the wonderful things going on in my life…we’ll see
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