morbidrequiem (morbidrequiem) wrote,

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Far and Away

So today has not been one of the best days of my life. In all actuality it started yesterday with my mom and Jimmy bitching me out and saying that once again I am not helping enough around the house. My only issue with this argument is that it will never be enough for them…at least not for Jimmy. He seems to have this idea that all people should view the world the way he does and handle all things the way he does. Joy for joys he wants to turn me into a clone but thus far I have proven my shell is much too hard for him to crack. Not to mention if I am going to end up brainwashed and molded into someone else I can think of millions of better people to be turned into.
I keep getting the urge to just leave and vanish for a while. Take my last pay check and disappear to…someplace, Arizona or New Orleans most likely. Not forever but for a long enough time that I can just be rid of all the random baggage I truly don’t want. Only problem with the just up and leaving is that my friends would hunt me down and skin me alive and quite possibly make a rug from my hide. Beyond this I think I would miss Danny to much. It really seems that in the last few weeks he truly has been my saving grace when it comes to keeping what little sanity I truly have left. I’ve done this once before mind you but at the time I didn’t have quite so many friends here. Actually…I didn’t have any here just yet. It was two years after I moved here and I hadn’t really gotten to know anyone all that well. So not feeling like remaining trapped in my apartment I packed my bags and went to Illinois for about a month. It was fun and all but it did what it was meant to do, clear me of the stagnation that had settled in my heart and soul. When I returned too Indy it felt like a fresh start in familiar territory. Arizona sounds good honestly and I don’t think it would be too hard for me to find some means of living if not shabbily for at least a short while. We shall see what happens in the near future but rest assured if I do go anywhere a note will be left in as many places as I can think of to leave one before I leave so everyone can know where to find me.

Beyond the wonder lust I have a bit of a heavy heart. Not for any one true reason however there are many small things that factor into my somber mood. Really I think it’s just that I am ready for something more then what I have. I know all to well that there are some much needed changes that need to be made in my life. I just need the motivation to make them. I desperately want to find a job that doesn’t completely suck ass and get my drivers license and my GED and all that stuff. I want to get them…its just the drive to get them really isn’t there. Trust me if I knew a place or object or what have you that could give me the drive I would be first in line. Anyway I am going to end this rather long ramble and go see if I can find something more stimulating to occupy my mind.
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